Momma Guilt
It is true........ Once your water breaks, Momma Guilt sets in.
I have struggled pretty much ALL my life dealing with guilt. I would feel guilty about everything, even the things totally out of my control. The past few years I have been working really hard on this and I got to a point where I was comfortable with myself and my decreasing guilt issues. Then Owen came. Wow.....
I struggle day to day with guilt, and it is not that I have parented wrong, or turned my back and he fell, or or or, it is the simple leaving him with his dad so I can have a few minutes to myself. Like tonight, yup, my break away was to go out and shovel the driveway. How eager I was to do that after being cooped up all day in the house while it was stormy out!!! Hey sign me up please!!
The other night Guilt got me when I took a bubble bath..... It was supposed to be a relaxing moment or two, BUT, I chose to take a bubble bath at the wrong time and Owie cried the whole time..
I LOVE taking baths, especially bubble baths, but I find it really difficult now to enjoy it, I feel that it has to be rushed as I have to get back to tending baby.
I think, well, I know, that some of my problem is due to the fact that I was raised by a single mother, who pretty much did EVERYTHING! So now it is my turn, and I really do not know how to share. Seriously, I think I have to do it all.... Andrew is very supportive, and wants to do stuff, but to be honest I really don't let him. He always wants me to go do something for myself, or go out and leave him with the baby, but I really just can't.
1. I feel guilty for doing that, especially in the evening when it is difficult for Owie at times (over tired, and FIGHTS sleep)
2. I really don't want to go anywhere by myself as I have spent the day by myself and my baby...
3. I like spending time with him.
It is weird, it is like I ask for permission, can I take a bath, do you mind watching him for like 15 min. etc etc. It is horrible, and I know that, but I just don't know how to let it happen.
The ONLY thing I think that I (personally) need to be rigid on, for me, is putting him to sleep. And this is only because I am the one who wakes with him through the night, so at least I know if he wakes multiple times, or whatnot it is on me, (or maybe not) but if Andrew put him to sleep and he woke a million times that night, I would totally blame him for not doing it right. So for right now, that is really the only thing I truly want control over.
It is not like I don't think he is not capable of caring for Owie, not at all, he is fantastic I could not ask for better, I just don't know how to let go....... I try, sometimes it works, (like right now, but that is only because while I was out shovelling the driveway, Owie fell asleep in daddy's arms) so I figured that this would be my chance to come up and blog. Usually I have Owie on my lap while I do this...
I am not too sure if other new moms deal with this. But I figure I can't possibly be the only one. Also I assume, as with everything else, with time it gets better, and with time I will be able to..
Hopefully some of the momma guilt went down the drain with the bubbles......
I have struggled pretty much ALL my life dealing with guilt. I would feel guilty about everything, even the things totally out of my control. The past few years I have been working really hard on this and I got to a point where I was comfortable with myself and my decreasing guilt issues. Then Owen came. Wow.....
I struggle day to day with guilt, and it is not that I have parented wrong, or turned my back and he fell, or or or, it is the simple leaving him with his dad so I can have a few minutes to myself. Like tonight, yup, my break away was to go out and shovel the driveway. How eager I was to do that after being cooped up all day in the house while it was stormy out!!! Hey sign me up please!!
The other night Guilt got me when I took a bubble bath..... It was supposed to be a relaxing moment or two, BUT, I chose to take a bubble bath at the wrong time and Owie cried the whole time..
I think, well, I know, that some of my problem is due to the fact that I was raised by a single mother, who pretty much did EVERYTHING! So now it is my turn, and I really do not know how to share. Seriously, I think I have to do it all.... Andrew is very supportive, and wants to do stuff, but to be honest I really don't let him. He always wants me to go do something for myself, or go out and leave him with the baby, but I really just can't.
1. I feel guilty for doing that, especially in the evening when it is difficult for Owie at times (over tired, and FIGHTS sleep)
2. I really don't want to go anywhere by myself as I have spent the day by myself and my baby...
3. I like spending time with him.
It is weird, it is like I ask for permission, can I take a bath, do you mind watching him for like 15 min. etc etc. It is horrible, and I know that, but I just don't know how to let it happen.
The ONLY thing I think that I (personally) need to be rigid on, for me, is putting him to sleep. And this is only because I am the one who wakes with him through the night, so at least I know if he wakes multiple times, or whatnot it is on me, (or maybe not) but if Andrew put him to sleep and he woke a million times that night, I would totally blame him for not doing it right. So for right now, that is really the only thing I truly want control over.
It is not like I don't think he is not capable of caring for Owie, not at all, he is fantastic I could not ask for better, I just don't know how to let go....... I try, sometimes it works, (like right now, but that is only because while I was out shovelling the driveway, Owie fell asleep in daddy's arms) so I figured that this would be my chance to come up and blog. Usually I have Owie on my lap while I do this...
I am not too sure if other new moms deal with this. But I figure I can't possibly be the only one. Also I assume, as with everything else, with time it gets better, and with time I will be able to..
Hopefully some of the momma guilt went down the drain with the bubbles......
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